Aftermath
by Sussurus
Summary: "Do you want time?" Roy and Kori keep asking him that. Jason doesn't know how to respond. Post-Batman Inc. 8 and RHATO 18 (spoilers).


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Red Hood and the Outlaws or any associated comics. This fic is for fun, not profit.

**Summary: **"Do you want time?" Roy and Kori keep asking him that. Jason doesn't know how to respond. Post-Batman Inc. 8 and RHATO 18.

This fic was inspired by Em's comment (robinless over at tumblr, if you have one, go follow!) copy-and-paste here: "With Damian… Well, Damian doesn't trust Jason. But that's simplifying really, because I think the reason Damian acts so disgusted by his presence in the family is that he sees they're both alike in more than a few things and he wants to belong _so much_ and Jason just _doesn't_ and Damian can't currently deal with being the outcast Jason is. I think Damian is scared he's gonna fuck up and Bruce is gonna treat him like he has treated Jason… So he won't let himself get close to Jason, because Jason and all the history that surrounds him is what he's trying to avoid at all costs."

Thanks, Em!

Aftermath  


"Do you want time?"

Roy and Kori kept asking him that, even if they never used those words. Roy couldn't be subtle to save his life and it wasn't normally in Kori's nature to circle around an issue for this long, so it was painfully apparent to everyone involved what they were trying to do. But Jason suspected that Joker's acid attack made them hesitant, uncertain about how to help him cope, if he needed any help at all, if he could take any more from the world at large. He didn't know, either. There was a bright pink, polka-dotted blue, grey-winged elephant rampaging around the room and none of them were certain how to proceed.

But still, they were trying.

"Do you want time?"

Roy kept suggesting movie marathons of the cheesiest movies he could find. He said that they should "MST3K the night away." Kori made tea, warming the brew with low-level starbolts held in her hands, and casually commented about how her island was beautiful this time of year, that the fruit would be ripe for the picking, that all of them should go.

In truth, Roy was the closest of the three to the kid, having played a game with him and all. And it bothered Roy, in his own way. The far-off look he had sometimes, tending to his weapons. Unsettled that a kid he bantered with and played catch with for one afternoon was just…gone. And Kori, too, was affected; Damian and her never talked but there was the mourning of a future cut too short. And maybe she worried about it, worried about how Roy was doing and how Jason was doing…maybe even how Dick was doing, despite whatever happened between them.

But they looked at Jason expecting him to feel something more, which Jason felt was ridiculous, really. Jason didn't really know the kid. That conversation on the bench was the closest they ever came to being brothers. The only times the two of them weren't fighting each other were when they fought someone else. Red Hood and Robin, Wingman and Redbird, didn't matter either way. There was always fighting between them.

And maybe Jason felt guilty about that.

Jason was resting against the balcony railing of ne of his more remote safe-houses, waiting for the medications to kick in. Joker's acid attack hadn't left any permanent scars, but it would take a little longer for the lingering effects to go away. The skin on his face still throbbed when night and its colder temperatures came, although the pain had died down and should be gone completely in another week or so. He hadn't wanted the drugs; he didn't like how it made him drowsy and more than a little out of it. But Kori had insisted, saying that he would never sleep otherwise, that he didn't sleep at night without them because of the pain. Jason had to concede to that point.

He peered into the darkness. As long as it was light enough, his vision was as sharp as ever, but during the night, blurry black and grey shapes presented themselves. Above, the sky was a distortion of light and dark, a kaleidoscope and mixed shards. The acid had done some damage to his eyes, hit his night vision the most, and although night vision was getting better (at least he could see_ something_ now) it would take a little longer to get back to its usual keen level.

The drugs had started their usual effects when he started talking. "You know," he said dreamily, addressing the dark, "when I first got the news, I didn't believe it. I thought it was another one of Bruce's fake-outs, trying to protect you. Keeping the rest of us in the dark…s'all part of the plan. It seemed like something he'd do."

The darkness stared back at him silently. He ran a hand distractedly through his hair. "We didn't like each other," he continued. "I was…was so jealous of you. Because he wanted to save you. Because you were his _real _son, you know?" He laughed ruefully. "'Course you knew. That kind of thought must've haunted you every day."

Jason stared into his hands. They were pale shapes in the dark. "And you didn't like me. And maybe it's because I was everything you were scared of being. The one who failed. The outsider. Someone who was…just…And you were just a kid, and you wanted to belong and I didn't, and maybe you thought that…that you and me, we're stuck with the 'angry robin' label, and you were scared that you'd end up like me. And maybe we could have…talked, or something. It was tough growing up on Gotham's streets and I'm sure that the League of Assassins wasn't any better, and it's hard being one of Bruce's kids, hard being Robin. I should've cut you some slack, I shouldn't have been so angry with you, and…and I'm sorry I wasn't there. For most of the time we had, you weren't much of a brother to me, but I was even less to you, and I…I miss all the things that could have happened between us."

Jason had a sudden rush of drowsiness. The meds were kicking in big time, and he would best lie down. Instead, he leaned heavily against the railing of the balcony. He rested his head against the balcony railing. The surface was cool, comforting. To his still healing-eyes, eyes that were increasingly harder to keep open, the balcony opened into an abyss beneath and beyond. He kept talking, anyway, even if Damian wouldn't have appreciated the lecture. Would have sneered at him, or shrugged him off. He would have done so many things if given the chance.

"And they might say it was your fault," he continued. "They might say that you deserved it. They might say it was fate and no else is to blame but you. You gave them everything and they still want more, so you don't owe the world anything. It's okay if you want to rest, and it's your right, and for all I know, you don't even want to come back, to try to save this sorry world. I can't really blame you there. But…" He gripped the balcony railing, knuckles going white. "You always said you were better than us!" he thundered, hot-anger and something…something that would have been grief, perhaps, punching through the haze of the medications. "Prove it! I came back, I dare you to beat that! You were just a kid, and you wanted to belong, and you deserved so much more and…and Alfred and them…they really miss you."

There were footsteps behind him, coming from his room. He didn't bother turning around; the lights were out, so his visitors would be little more than blurry shadows.

"Jay-bird?" Roy said. "Everything okay? We, uh…heard you yelling."

Jason shrugged, easing the tension in his shoulders. He said the first thing that came to mind. "Just got startled by a bird," he said, his tone daring Roy to contradict him.

There was a pause as Roy weighed whether or not to push. Jason found it amazing that Roy had that much self-control. Instead, he said, "Be nice to the wildlife, Jay."

"It's late," Kori said. "And it wouldn't be prudent for you to fall asleep on the balcony, Jason. You'll catch cold."

_Do you want time? _

He did; he wanted the time taken from him, from Damian, from too many people to count. But even in a drug-induced state, Jason knew it wasn't going to happen.

Jason shrugged again, took one last glance at the sky – the moon and stars still blurry splotches across the darkness, a shadow of what might have been a bird or bat passing by – and followed Roy and Kori inside.


End file.
